Dear Cracker Jack,
Do you see the picture above? DO YOU SEE IT? It just happens to be the worst Cracker Jack prize in the history of your company. The paper said it was a pencil topper. My pencil broke the flimsy paper. That, sir, is hardly a pencil topper. It is a piece of paper with a hole in it. How dare you insult me with your crappy prize.The pencil part of the paper doesn't even match my actual pencil! The colors aren't even close! You should be paying me to take that horrible thing off your hands.
While we are at it, can we please discuss the image on my (insert sigh) "pencil topper". What in the hell is it? Are they suppose to be bees? Flies? Wasps? I'm not even gonna get into what I think they are doing. Let's just say, shame on you for putting such images on a kids' prize.
Why do you hurt me so? I remember the days when I would open up my box of Cracker Jacks and find the coolest prizes ever. I would make charm bracelets out of the charms. I would play pinball on the little pinball games. Your tattoos are the reason I am surly like a pirate and not like a caveman. You made it so kids could live out little adventures with a small toy. Now, oh Cracker Jack, now you just make little children cry. Do you like hurting little kids and adults? When did you lose your love for the job? Do you need a hug? I need one after that crappy pencil topper.
I'm giving you another chance Cracker Jack, but only because your popcorn is so good. Please restore my faith in humanity. Give us back our charms, whistles, pinball games and tattoos. I beg you, Cracker Jack!
Thank You in Advance,